Zugschwang - "a compulsion to move"

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Eto na at kakaba-kaba

Samutsari na ang aking nararamdaman ngayon. Masaya, malungkot, excited na hinde, takot at kaba. Nakatanggap na kasi ako ng liham (email) mula sa NZ Embassy makati. Ang sabi sa liham ay malapit na raw mailabas ang aking work visa at kelangan ko lang daw maglabas ng booking certificate na nagpapatunay na meron na akong plane ticket patungong Wellington.

Professional anxiety:

Sapat na ba ang aking kaalamang teknikal ? Gaano kagaling ang mga bumbay (Indian) at puti kumpara sa gwapong kayumanggi na kagaya ko ? Sa ganitong industria (IT kompyuter) eh di sapat ang lakas ng loob at sipag. Kelangan din ng malalim lalim na karunungang teknikal at diskarte.

Personal anxiety:

Dahil hindi naman kalakihan ang apartment na aming nire-rentahan eh kami, bilang isang pamilya, ay naging malapit kami sa isa't isa. (Pwede pala ang prepositional phrase sa tagalog)

Inay at Itay :

Sana'y maalagaan kayo ng mabuti ng dalawa kong kapatid. Kung dati ay ang aking mga magulang ang naging takbuhan ko sa aking mga problema, ngayon naman ako na ang tinatakbuhan nila.

Dati sila ang aking pader, ngayon naman ako ang inaasahan nilang sandalan.

Sister and brother :

Baka sa email ko na lang kayo mapayuhan ng inyong mga problema. Yung nakakabatang kong lalaking kapatid lang ang tanging nakakapagpa-halakhak sa akin magpasa-hanggang ngayon. Sa aking nakakabatang babae, Hindi kami ganun ka close dati, nagiba ang lahat nang ako'y nakisilong na sa aking mga biyenan.

Sa aking Sanggol :

Hindi ko inakala na ang isang maliit na nilalang na kagaya mo ay makakapagbigay sa akin nang labis na kaligayahan. Dahil sayo hindi ko na napapansin ang traffic, init sa loob ng fx, amoy ng katabi ko sa fx. Biglang naging maganda ang mundo ko dahil sa yo.

Ika-nga ng toothpaste commercial eh.. "ang mundo ko... kumukutitap".

Sa aking pinakaminamahal :

huwag ka sanang malungkot,

Wag kang makikining ng Freddie Aguilar

Kamusta ka aking mahal
sana'y nasa mabuti ka
ako'y wag mong intindihin
nakakaraos din

Panaginip ko'y laging ikaw... sinta...
Mahal.. kamusta kaaa...

Ayos! tamang karaoke.

Natatandaan mo kung abril nang tayo'y magbakasyon sa kota kinabalu. Ang ating napagplanuhan ng long term ay ang tayo'y maninirahan sa ibang bansa. Eto yung gusto natin hindi ba ? yung hindi na natin pro-problemahin kung saan kukunin ang pangmatrikula ng ating anak.

Seguridad, seguridad at seguridad para sa ating dalawa kapag tayo'y me edad na. Habang bata pa at kaya pa ng katawan. KAYOD!

Naalala mo yung text ko sayo dating nanliligaw pa ako sayo ? "Each second that passes is like a needle pulled out of my heart. For I know that I will be with you soon." Walang nag-aakala na napaka-kesong (Cheesy) tao ako nun.

Mahal kita.

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Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Pride and Joy

Good gosh !! I've turned into one of em picture-showing-parent type of person. I seem to have develop a habit of showing my baby Raya's picture to whoever passes my place.

When I was still single, I couldn't get why people would show their baby's pic around to people who are clearly not interested. Out of politeness people would give comments like 'Ay ang cute..' some would even ask "meron pa bang ibang pic ?".

I'm addicted !! Whenever I queue up for the commute home, I would open up my cell and browse through Raya's pic. :) She's beautiful ! She looks like her mommy. I love mommy Raya. I love them both. I always have one browser window with Raya's picture. I've even memorized one Nat king cole song... L is for the way you look at me... :)

The next song on my list:

Isn't she lovely
by Stevie Wonder

Isn't she lovely
Isn't she wonderfull
Isn't she precious
Less than one minute old
I never thought through love we'd be
Making one as lovely as she
But isn't she lovely made from love

Isn't she pretty
Truly the angel's best
Boy, I'm so happy
We have been heaven blessed
I can't believe what God has done
through us he's given life to one
But isn't she lovely made from love

Who would've thought that somebody so tiny could give me soooo much joy and at the same time deprive me of so much sleep. :) My mother... Grandma Raya totally adores her first apo. If I remember correctly Ma never showed that much affection to me or to any of my siblings. Gulpe sarado pa kami ! Now I see what they mean sa term na "Spoiled ng Lolo at Lola".

Our life now centers around our baby. I've never seen my Wife to ever being totally dedicated to something/anything. Now, She wakes up 3am in the morning just to collect collostrum for Raya.

Tama na to.. naiiyak na ako.

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