Zugschwang - "a compulsion to move"

Sunday, January 29, 2006

The path to Manhood

My NZ experience has been a character defining experience so far. I've always wondered what it would be like living 'alone'. Having spent 28 years under momma's roof and 1 year under my in-laws roof, I should be ready. Growing up in a 2 bedroom apartment I never really had much personal time and space. It is the first time ever for me to truly have a PERSONAL pc ( Dell laptop).

I've always felt like a kid back in the philippines having people do things for me. I always had my parents and recently my wife to help me decide on things. I've grown dependent on their inputs that it had impaired my evaluation skills. The root cause of my pre-wedding jitters was probably due to the fact I still feel like i'm a kid, not man-enough to start a family of my own.

Being autonomous in NZ exposed my weaknesses on different areas. I am now slowly working on them, one weakness at a time. I can now cook edible(?) food, Wash and Iron my own clothes. I've learned to take care of myself, because if I don't... nobody would.

Absolute freedom. No social obligation/s to dictate how your day will be spent. I enjoy my weekend mini-adventures to wherever-my-bus-pass will take me. I enjoy my weekly where-will-these-2-malaysian-officemates-take-me-for-lunch-this-time food trips.

I enjoy my new found youth as well... let me explain back in the philippines people assume that i'm in my mid-30s or sometime in my 40's. Here in welly people ask me if i'm over 25 and if I have driven before. Ika-nga ng sikyu ng university namin dati eh... “Batam-bata... sariwa.”.

I have never experienced this much personal growth in such a short time. It's not easy as sometimes it does get painfully exhausting. Longing for my baby and specially my wife. Missing my parents my siblings and my “yaya” as well. Loneliness, it is the reason why I wake up with heartache 7 days a week.

Hopefully by the time that my family joins me here in welly I would have completed my transformation from being a big kid to becoming "da Man”.

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4 Comments:

  • At 10:51 AM, Anonymous Joy said…

    Your entry shows humbleness in a way when you tell others about your weaknesses. I find this rare in a man.

    Hope your wife and baby will join you very soon!

     
  • At 1:49 AM, Blogger Jovs said…

    Doing well Vin!

    Kwento of your adventures there... places you've been, etc. =)

     
  • At 9:40 PM, Blogger Ka Uro said…

    most eloquent. i could relate very well having had the same experience before.

     
  • At 11:44 PM, Blogger Senorito<- Ako said…

    sorry for my late reply daming inaasikaso ang inaatupag dito eh.

     

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