Spiral

I admit it. I am lonely... I have for the longest time been convincing myself that being autonomous was what I needed. All my life I've always had people around me.

My subconcious self have been whispering this phrase for the longest time... "Wouldn't it be nice to be alone for a while... escape from it all. Not think about anybody's welfare, just my own (or us, I do have several "associative" personalities)."

I thought that this is what I wanted.... partially true, I do want to be alone at times. Here in Wellington I have been just that, 5 1/2 months and running.

Again, I find myself fighting off depression. It IS me to get depressed at times. This time, it got to a point where I DON'T want to do anything... I find myself paralyzed. When I get home from work I just want to pop-in some DVD rentals and hope that it shakes off the voidness that I feel. It does just that at least for for an hour and a half. It's a bargain ! an hour and a half less lonely for $2. Finished with the "Comedy" and "Action" section, I am now on the "thriller" section of the video store.

---8<---
"Like as, to make our appetite more keen,
With eager compounds we our palate urge;
As, to prevent our maladies unseen,
We sicken to shun sickness when we purge;"

- Sonnet 118 Shakespeare
---8<---

Buddhist teachings does not deny that material things brings about momentary happiness. Hence I bought me-self a big guitar amplifier (Fender princeton chorus 2x10 inch speakers). "Study chord substitutions !! We wants to be a jazzer remember ? we wants it. (Gnaws on raw fish)".

I thought that would do the trick. I should've know better.... don't work on the symptom, work on the cause... Identify the root!

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I miss my wife. Period.

Just that. The longing, the memory of her warm embraces, her encouraging and reassuring smile. The invisible strength of her presence. I miss the resolution that I finish my day in her arms. The gentle palm squeeze she gives me before sleeping. Small things really, small things that matters to me.

To kid or Not to kid.

The title should be "To have kid/s or not to have kid/s" but I reckon it’s too long and it doesn’t have a Jimmy-Santos ring to it. :)

Three years ago (Pre-wedding), me and Ms. (then) Sass were talking about whether or not we should have kid/s. This is because her super-uber-bestfriend (hi!) point of view of not having any. She being both smart and intelligent have a strong influence on the wifey (reads US).

Her reasons were:

1. With no kids there would obviously be less stress,

2. Quality time as a couple

3. better financial advantage, the two of them would be able to earn or work full time

4. Because of #3 they would be able to afford whatever they fancy be it : travel, bitchin ride (car)…

I consulted with my Mom as well. She said “It’s OK not to have kids… I would understand. But you see after a while it gets boring… “

My opinion, is that the mentioned reasons holds better validity “in” the pinas.

A couple will definitely find themselves in 3 scenarios: 2 individual’s successful in their respective business/profession, Only 1 would be successful, or both would be struggling.

Let’s assume that a couple are successful individuals in the Pinas.

With kids in the Pinas

If we were to assume that a couple were both professionals their take home pay (after tax) less rent and other necessities. A HUGE portion of their “net” income would definitely be allocated under tuition fee’s.

Besides the cost, another factor would be the varying quality of education and the opportunity that it presents. After graduation/Job hunting you actually begin to realize the (dis)advantage of the perceived University ‘prestige’ by the outside world. Companies more-often-than-not prefers graduates from the Top 4 universities (5 if you include Mapua).

Without kids in the Pinas

Owning a house is possible. Getting a car, definitely. Financial mobility in one form or another.

OUTSIDE the pinas

I will be using New Zealand as basis of “outside” the pinas. I reckon (naks kiwing-kiwi), the reasons for not having kids (not to kid) :) as mentioned above would have a lesser impact both lifestyle/financial-wise.

Cost of living

NZ, depending on your income bracket/number of kids, aides you financially.

http://www.workingforfamilies.govt.nz/family-assistance/

http://www.workingforfamilies.govt.nz/income-gains/index.html#familyincome

Basically, the lower your income and the more kids that you have the more that you will get from the govt. Sure it might not be much but it would be ENOUGH. Even if you find yourself Jobless you still get govt aide and you would definitely be able to feed and put a roof over your love ones head.

Education

Cost of education is almost negligible. Your kid/s will have the same or comparable education with higher income families.

Your kid/s success is independent of the parents.

Simple as that statement may sound but the implications are monstrous- monstrous. Personally, that’s one pressure I can live without.

If your kid decides to go to “University” he/she can arrange to borrow from the government and pay it back when he/she is working. It teaches them accountability early on as well.

In the pinas, I see kids (well off or not) goof-around and waste tuition money. Simply because parents paid for education and unaware on how difficult it is earning money. There probably will be computer science students having the ‘latest’ cellphones but not have computers at home. Talk about priority. :) Una porma saka na yung iba.

Another thing worth noting is having a NZ University degree is recognized in all commonwealth countries. That means a broader opportunity and a definite global advantage. Being a skilled migrant and educated in the pinas, I feel that we need to considerably “bring” more, for them to consider us as equals.

Intangibles

I’m not saying that the choice of not having a kid is “wrong”. It does have it’s merit and definitely some strong points. It’s just that for us, having raya was the “right” choice.

My wife has been sending me videos of My parents playing with raya. I’ve seen how happy my mom was playing with her first apo… how can I quantify that ? :)

Seeing my baby being able to turn on her own is priceless as well… I was shouting in my room when I saw the video.

They say the worst part of having a kid is in the first 3 months of birth. I’ve been with my Raya for the first 2.5 and frankly I cherished those moments. Waking up 1-3am, cleaning poopster/heating mommies milk and afterwards humming so she’d go back to sleep.