Immigration blues... atbp

Mommy Sass, Baby Raya and Auntie Raya is leaving Manila today. They will be arriving here in Wellington tommorrow.

I've been getting this heavy guilty feeling... na dahil sa akin eh maraming malulungkot sa pilipinas. The lolo's and lola's who adore's their apo. My In-laws being separated from their favorite daughter. My sister-in-law/bestfriend ni Sassymoon. The first time Tito-Tita and Lolo-Lola from my side of the family. And Raya's nanny... Yaya Helen. Mommy Sass just told me that Yaya was crying more than the grannies.

I feel that I'm a selfish-selfish bastard, It's not an easy burden to carry. For the sake of one persons happiness, Dozens of family members will suffer the inevitable longing and loneliness that is to follow. I always thought that this day I would be happiest. How Ironic that the opposite is true.

I can only come up with one justification. We can either be happy together and financially uncertain or the other way around. I remember one buddhist teaching "Medicine is bitter and poison is sweet". This is how deep and proufound the buddha's teachings are. I haven't been chanting for 2 days.. I should chant later. I helps.

I still remember feeling a envious of my neighbors when their family immigrated to the US (Illegally pa yata). Kasi naman, sa Pinas kapag sinabing mag-aabroad na eh ang kadalasang karugtong eh "Wow.. buti pa sila...". Only now do I realize that immigrating has its emotinal side to it.

I still remember standing outside our balcony at night hoping to catch a cool breeze on a hot Quiapo summer, staring at the stars and wondering where I'm headed and what my future would be. If anybody told me then that in 3 years time I'd be in NZ working in one of the bigger IT companies. I wouldn't have believed you.

That time (3 yrs back), unemployed and broke, We had just set a wedding date. I was still thinking where I would get the wedding money and how soon (if ever) I would be employed again. Financial pressure day-in and day-out, dwindling savings despite the fact that I got a generous separation package from my 2nd work.

The only good thing in my life back then was that I'm good lookin.

After our wedding. I began to ask questions like "How long should we be staying with my In-laws... ". Hindi rin tama yung makikituloy ako sa bubong ng byenan ko ng matagalan. Hindi maganda tignan. I only had ONE wish back then "sana in a years time makapag sarile na kami". I got my wish.

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I've been re-learning blues from ( T-Bone walker song "Stormy Monday" ) a Duke Robillard video. I should listen to happier music.

Voices

I wish i can be as charming as Ethan Hawke in the movie "Before sunrise".

In preparation for the long weekend (Queen's Birthday) I got some weekly DVD rentals and this movie was one of em. In a nutshell, its about 2 strangers meeting on a train and spent 24 hours together. Doing what ? just walking around and talking. It's not like the pissy pseudo intellectual conversations that you see in dawson's creek. Who the hell talks like that anyways ;).

I now have 2 favorite romance movie, the other one would be "Forget paris" by Billy Crystal.

I could never be charming as ME. I could never be myself (literally) when i'm trying to impress women. You see, I can 'do' characters.

In my high school days I was able to accurately capture the voice, tone and phrasing legendary disciplinarian in our school (Sia sien) I can bring the decibel levels of 2 HS rooms in less than 5 seconds flat. Works every single time. :)

When I'm the new guy at work I do the radio DJ ex TV host 'Joe d' Mango' usually does the trick. It's a great icebreaker.

Some of the people that I do: Jaworski, Ahnold Schwarzenegger, Ferdinand Marcos Sr, Mike Enriquez...... sometimes i freak myself out.

A decade back I realized that I've using humor as a tool. I use it to gauge a persons intellect and Humor tolerance. Weirdly I do it 10 seconds after I meet somebody. If you were to ask ppl what were their first impression of me you'd get different answers from outrageously funny to A-hole. Their answers reflect their uptightness as well.

Have you heard of basketball players talking about 'the zone' ? I get it as well... if i'm in the zone or freeballing I can have a whole roomfull of people eat off of my hand. My college years would've made a great DVD. As with anything else my humor has its limitations. It does not reflect on my writing.. that explains my dull blog :).

I do have one special 'act' or character that I do to women that I'm attracted to. It's my secret weapon. Its my ace. It's Mr. Al Pacino. To my female friends reading this, If you haven't seen me do Al Pacino then you know that i'm not interested in anybody within a 2 meter radius. I remember a couple of years back, in one of my dates. I was kinda having the in-the-zone moments with this hot date of mine. I think we had paella with ostrich meat, anyways midway during dinner I pulled out my 'Devil's Advocate/Scent of a woman" act. Totally sealed the deal. Got hitched 2 years after :)