Divine comedy

"Nope, I won't be father-ing her child. Not after this" I said to myself 15 years ago.

The following is a true story.

3 Years earlier. (18 yrs ago)

My mom, bein an alumni, transfered me to this school in Tondo. That was the year 1988, I can still remember my first impressions of my new school as I took my first ten steps inside.

I said, "Wow, rubber coated floors. Rust free gates, Coke-a-cola vendo machine and a huge quadrangle to run around". This is where I'll be spending the next 4 years of my life.

"High school life, oh my high school life
ev’ry memory kay ganda
high school days, oh my high school days
are exciting kay saya" - Sharon Cuneta

First day of class.

I still remember going up the stairs to the 5th floor, looking for my new room. I entered, found a seat somewhere near the window (NAWASA dome view) and settled in. As I gave the room a quick glance, my eyes kept coming back to this girl's face. Like a compass that intuitively finds the north, my eyes always resolved to wherever she was. It was like that from my 2nd day till I graduated from HS.

I was ecstastic when I found that she was on the same afternoon class (all 4 years). That's where my luck with her ended.

Let's call her Esmeralda. She had the face on an angel, the shape of a ballerina and gracefullness of a swan.

I was a dark skinned, semi-chubby with glasses, super oily/shiny skinned kid wearing pants that was too short. And oh, I sported bad bad haircuts (Mama, why?) for 4 years. If there was one guy who knew how Quasimodo felt, twas me.

"Tale as old as time".... Naah fuck that, too dramatic.

1 of 5

I spent 1 of every 5 minutes worshipping her/ daydream on how wonderful "our life" would be after highschool. Ofcourse, none of that shit ever happened. The closes I got to that, was borrowing some Ärchie comics from her. Back then, I was wonderin if Archie was EVER going to score with either Veronica or Betty.

She was popular and I was on the opposite realm. Like the mathematical fact that goes, "If you come halfway from pt. A to pt. E and repeat it each time ( again half closer). It will get infinitely close but never intersect".

"High school love, my one high school love
not infatuation or crush
tunay ‘to, siya ang buhay ko
di n’yo lang alam ako’y nagba-blush
bakit nga ba ang first love ko
ay di serious, so it seems?
kung alam lang ng first love ko
(s)he is always in my dreams. " - Shawie (pa rin)

I find myself limbo whenever she's near. I can literally feel logic and cognitive abilities shutting down. She was like green kryptonite.. and me ? I was still Quasimodo. I recall (3rd yr HS) the time when she approached me.

Esmeralda: "Nakita mo si 'Ge' ?" (Have you seen Geraldine ?)
Senorito : "Ha ? (pauses) Hindi ako si Geraldine" (I'm not Geraldine)
Konsyensya :"What the... DUDE... minsan ka na lang kausapin saka mo papakitaan ng ka weirdo-han mo... Naman-naman tsong !"

Once upon an afternoon, Time stopped.

T'was one ordinary afternoon sprinkled with extraordinary stupidity.

I was happily chewing my gum for the first 2 afternoon subjects, the bell rang and the 2nd break for the afternoon commenced.

I wanted to throw the gum but was too lazy to stand up and throw it properly. As I spat out the gum to my hand... rolled it into a perfect circle and threw it.

The minute the gum left my hand, it decided to slightly stick to my index finger one last fucking time. Thus altering my aim and ruining my trajectory. 3 inches off my hand, I figured it could only land on 2 person. The basketball varsity or Esmeralda.

It happened fast and everything was a blur, yet metaphorically, I vividly remember every detail of it.

The varsity guy didn't make the team because of his 'basketball skills' but more for his 'court enforcement' pressence. He's a HUGE guy who can open a can-of-whoop-ass on anybody, anytime !

I was praying that it landed on Mr. Brawny but as fate would have it. It landed at the top most part of Esmeralda's head.

"Accidents can happen
and into one i'm gonna slide
there's a good chance to give my hands on a little romance
when two hearts collide " - Haven't we met ( Kenny Rankin )

Couldn't get worse you think ? You're a FOOL to underestimate my STUPIDITY... read on, FOOL.

I quickly ran over and "tried" to rectify the situation. How, you ask (FOOL) ?

Instead of just taking the gum out by cutting a small amount of hair. (Adam Sandler mode-) "I HAD TO TAKE THE ADJACENT HAIR TO COVER THE GUM UP !! WHOOPEEEDEEEDOOO EINSTEIN !! "

"Nope, I won't be father-ing her child. Not after this."

In the end, we had to cut out a huge amount of hair off of her. For 3 months she had to sport the one length/spike (very 80's) hairdo.

People would come up to her and asked what happened... she would tell the story, they would look my way and laugh.. I would close both eyes and slightly bow my head.

I can still hear their laughter to this very day.